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Films that we have enjoyed

By this I mean we have enjoyed a film but not enough to put into the favourite section without clogging up the space, so here is 'The Man in the Iron Mask' to start off this page:

M*A*S*H

The original version starring Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt and Sally Kellerman as the magnificent 'Hot Lips' IMDB

MASH original film

The Man in the Iron Mask

An amusing and original re-imagining of this famous novel by Alexandre Dumas - a film that is watchable over and over again - featuring four of our favourite actors,

Man in the Iron Mask - Ballroom Masks

With my interest in mask-making, these are particularly fine examples of the mask-making craftsmanship - the scene also adds some sinister undertones by including the mask which was forced onto one of the hapless twins for most of their adult lives as either Philippe or Louis.

Man in the Iron Mask Movie Poster

Featuring four of our favourite actors from l to r Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons - the eponymous role is portrayed by Leonard diCaprio as both Philippe and his evil twin Louis XIV

My Fellow Americans

My Fellow Americans Film Poster

Film poster showing the three principal male actors from l to r - Jack Lemmon, Dan Ackroyd and James Garner - missing is the truly magnificent female element - Lauren Bacall!

End scene from My Fellow Americans

This film would not have been as rich with the absence of Lauren Bacall who by a specific gesture has the last word in this final scene! Image courtesy of Cineplex both images © of Warner Brothers

"Ex-presidents Kramer (Jack Lemmon) and Douglas (James Garner) have hated each other for years. But when the current administration of President Haney (Dan Aykroyd) -- Kramer's former vice president -- tries blaming a string of kickbacks from a defense contractor on the two former presidents, they band together. With Haney's goons trying to kill them, they set out across the country to try and clear their reputations. In the process, they see a side of America they never knew before. IMDB ref."

That's the official write-up! As far as we are concerned this is one of the funniest movies we have ever seen with a stellar cast! We have no idea how we missed the cinema experience, but have now viewed and laughed over this film on more than several occasions - time for another view methinks!

Dracula

Starring those screen greats Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing who weren't even averse to appearing and being sent up on The Morecambe & Wise Show!

Dracula Film Poster

'Don't dare see it alone' - just as well I was only 6 in 1958, I wouldn't have been allowed to go alone (ha! ha!) - how curious it is that Peter Cushing gets over the title billing but Christopher Lee hogs the picture!

Hammer Horror led the British industry for many years and is currently enjoying a revival

The Raven

Starring Boris Karloff, Vincent Price and my personal favourite Peter Lorre.

Three supremely silly Wizards trying to out-magick each other. At one point Karloff attempts to murder Price and knocks him out - as he comes to Price delivers one of the most magic moments of cinema history "What place is this?" - it's pure knockabout comedy!

The Three Wizards

Vincent Price, Peter Lorre and Boris Karloff

The Raven

They say that the battle between Merlin and Madam Mim in Disney animation, 'The Sword in the Stone', is based on this film and the battle between the sorcerors!

Sorcerors duel

Vincent Price and Borlis Karloff hurling magick at each other - a precursor to Disney's Cartoon Witches and Wizards!

Sword in the Stone

Poster for the film which does not hint at the 'magick' battle that will take place between Merlin and Mim!

Mim as Dragon

Mim cheats from the outset!

Merlin and Mim

Disney has Merlin and Madam Mim morphing into animal, mineral and vegetable just like the originals in 'The Raven'.

The Court Jester

Who can resist Danny Kaye? With a fantastic supporting cast of Glynis Johns, Basil Rathbone, Angela Lansbury and Cecil Parker.

The Court Jester Poster 2

'Ello 'Ello borrowed the tongue twisting ditty so ably performed by Danny Kaye and converted it into their own version!

The Danny Kaye version :

Jean: Hawkins, run for your life.

Hawkins: No, they'd... they'd only catch me and kill me.

Jean: Can you ever forgive me?

Hawkins: There's nothing to forgive.

Jean: Dear Hawkins.

Random Guard: Sir Giacomo! You should be in armor! And you, maid Jean, in the stands.

Hawkins: If I die, just pray that I die bravely.

Witch: You'll not die, you'll not have to fight him. Griswold dies as he drinks the toast.

Hawkins: What?

Witch: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels.

Hawkins: Which one?

Witch: The one with the figure of a pestle.

Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle?

Witch: Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: I-I don't want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from the what?

Jean: The chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: Hm?

Witch: It's a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace.

Hawkins: Th-the chalice from the palace have the pellet with the poison?

Witch:No, the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel.

Jean: The vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: What about the palace from the chalice?
Witch: Not the palace from the chalice! The chalice from the palace!
Hawkins: Where's the pellet with the poison?
Witch: In the vessel with the pestle!
Jean: Don't you see? The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.
Witch: The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!
Jean: It's so easy, I can say it!
Hawkins: Well then you fight him!
Witch: Listen carefully. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.
Hawkins: Where the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.
Jean: Good man!
Witch: Just remember that.
Random Guard: Sir Giacomo! Sir Giacomo, into your armor! And you, to your place in the pavilion.
Hawkins: The pellet with the poison... the pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh... brew that is tru- The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh, eh, brew that is true. Eh. The chestle with the pal- eh, eh, palace with the...
Random Guard: Look out!
[lighting strikes armor, magnetizing it]
Random Guard: Hurry, now, get into your armor!

Hawkins: The pestle with t... the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the palace from the chalice has the brew that is blue. Eh, no... The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The cha- eh, the pellet with the plip... the pellet with the poisle's in the vessel with the plazzle. Eh, the plazzle with the vlessle. Eh, the the bless... The vessel with the plozle is the plazzle with the...
Random Guard (interrupting): Come along, Sir Giacomo. His majesty is waiting.
Hawkins: The pestle with the poilet...
Random Guard: And take your helmet!
Hawkins: (Muttering "pellet with the poison") Thank you.

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisley's from chalice with the pazley.

Roderick: Oh, hello, my dear, it's nice to see y-

Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true, right?
Witch: Right. But there's been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace.
Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?
Witch: And replaced it with a flagon.
Hawkins: Flagon.
Witch: With a figure of a dragon.
Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.
Witch: Right.
Hawkins: Did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?
Witch: No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!
Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
Witch: Just remember that.
Hawkins: Yes, thank you very much. The pellet with the chasley, eh... the pellet with the poison is in the pasley with the chazzle. Eh, just remember that.

Griswold's Lackey: Beware of the drinks. One of them is poisoned.
Griswold: Poisoned! Are you sure?
Griswold's Lackey: I heard the witch.

Hawkins: The poisel with the plesley is the chaz... eh...

Griswold: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon, the pestle with the pizzle... the pizzle with the f- the, the, the viss...
Griswold's Lackey: No, no, no...

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisley is the chalice with the... he he (laughs nervously at guards)

Griswold's Lackey: ...Vessel with the pestle.
Griswold:The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
Griswold's Lackey: Right. Don't forget it.
Griswold:(mutters): The palace with the dragon... no, no, no.

MC: The knights will approach each other!
Crowd: (Cheers)

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisle is in the flaggle with the chalice.

Griswold: The poison's in the dragon with the pestle.

Hawkins: Eh, ah, the chazzle is in the poisley with the plellice with the plan- eh, plaglice.

Griswold: The pellet with the dragon's in the pestle with the poi-
Hawkins: The pezley with the poisle is...
Griswold:The dragon with the poisle's in the pestle...
Hawkins: Pazzle with the fleegle...
Griswold: (Retrieves helmet magnetically held by H's armor)
Hawkins: The poisley with the plazzle is the plazzle with the ploizle
Griswold:(Mutters)
Hawkins: The chalice with the pa... the flagon with the cha... the floizle with the flagon is the chalice with the poison.

MC: The knights will face the king!

Hawkins & Griswold: (muttering) (sight gags)

MC: They will approach the royal pavilion!

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon!

Griswold: The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

Hawkins: Oh, no, pglk, you've got the wrong one!

Roderick: Stop this mockery! There will be no toast! Put them to horse, let them choose weapons, and fight!

 

'Ello 'Ello plagiarism

 

The cast of television series Allo Allo

 

Plot line :

 

Hans go over to the bar and asks René for the pill that the colonel gave him. He says it contains a drug and is to be put in the general's wine jug ("the drug in the jug"). The next moment, Gruber arrives with the gateau. René desperately tells Hans that it contains a bomb to blow up the general, and asks Hans to do everything he can to ensure that the fuse will not be lit. Hans informs him they have already made arrangements to kill the general by giving him the drug. The exchange is a homage to Danny Kaye's celebrated lines in The Court Jester (The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.):

Hans: "Do you not see that if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau!"

René: "Simple plots are always the best."

René puts a pill (a headache pill, he later informs Edith, since he will have no poison murders in his café) in the jug, and Hans brings it over the general. They all don German spiked helmets for protection, and then the general receives the wine from the "poisoned" jug (the colonel makes sure nobody else gets any wine from that jug). They have several toasts, but nothing happens to the general. When René comes to serve the chickens, one of them is accidentally spiked on the pickel of the general's haube. As he is a senior officer, nobody dares tell him. As they are approaching the lighting of the candles, René and the girls rush into the kitchen to get water and sand, to be able to put them out.

Dialogue :

Christmas Special: The Gateau from the Chateau

 

[Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Geering are planning to kill General Von Klinkerhoffen]
Colonel: Hans, have you got the weedkiller?
Geering: Even better - the chemist gave me a pill containing all his best poisons. You take it with a glass of wine. One drink and... [impersonates a dead person] all is quiet on the Western Front.
Colonel: Are you sure it'll work?
Geering: Yes. I told him it was for you.

[Captain Geering is putting the plan to kill General Von Klinkerhoffen into action]
Geering: The Colonel gave you a pill. Where is it?
René: I have the pill in the till.
Geering: Wheere is the vine for the General?
René: It is here in this jug.
Geering: The pill contains a drug.
René: The pill in the till?
Geering: Take it and put it in there.
René: Put the drug in the jug?
Gruber: (Comes in with the Gateau) We nearly forgot the most important thing.
René: (panic) Oh, my God! The Gateau from the Chateau!
Geering: What about the Gateau from the Chateau?
René: It contains a bomb!!!
Geering: A bomb in the Gateau from the Chateau???
René: It is to blow up the General! You must not let anyone light that fuse.
Geering: But where is the fuse?
René: It is the candle with the handle.
Geering: You do not need to kill the General, we have already arranged to kill the General... Do you not see? That if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the Gateau from the Chateau!
René: Simple plots are always the best.

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Page updated : 9th March 2017